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In January, 2012,
JOIE DE VIVRE,
a memoir about Diane's Dad,
was one of the winners
in Doorways Memoir Contest.
You can read it at
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SOME PUBLICATIONS THAT HAVE FEATURED DIANE's WORK:
GUIDEPOSTS
- GUIDEPOSTS BEST LOVED STORIES 1998
- POSITIVE LIVING
- THE BRIDGE
- CREATIVE THOUGHT
- SCIENCE OF MIND
- GUIDE: Stories for Children
- SANDPIPER KIDZ
- WHAT MAKES PEOPLE SUCCESSFUL?
- DESERT WOMAN
- AMERICAN DESERT
- MILFORD Newspaper
- THE HOMESTEADER
- PARENTCARE Magazine
- HEALING Magazine
- CITY & COUNTRY PETS
- CROSS & QUILL
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Click here to a text.U
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**Waiting to Exhale
By Diane E. Robertson
Published in LISTEN Magazine in 2007
Amber waved her pack of cigarettes at me after
our first day of high school. “Care for a smoke, Callie?”
I shook my head no as we walked toward the library. “That trip
to visit your cousin this summer must’ve been something.
Is she the one who introduced you to smoking?”
“Oh, come on,” Amber said. “It’s not like drugs or alcohol.
Don’t you even want to try it?”
“No.” I watched as she inhaled like a pro.
“Smoking is one habit I’ll never inherit.”
“But everybody does it.”
“Fine. They can stink up their clothes & hair. But I know the consequences.
Mom used to brag about it, like she was a veteran. `Thirty years now,’ she’d say
as she inhaled her daily pack. But then she got emphysema. ‘Say hello to your
nonsmoking mother,’ she tells me now. And you know my dad’s story,”
I continued. “How he puffed his way to a triple-bypass.”
Amber blew out smoke & acted bored. “Yeah, I know.”
I wished that Amber would get a wake-up call. I had hoped we could ease
into the new world of high school together, but already she was changing.
It seemed that we didn’t have much to talk about on our walks anymore.
As the warm weather turned into autumn, the thought of
being left behind terrified me.
One day Amber said, “I’m going over to Jenny’s after school. See ya.”
“OK.” I felt awful, so I hurried home where I could be alone with my tears.
My parents wouldn’t return from work for hours. Maybe I could bury
my feelings in food. As I hunted around the refrigerator for something
delicious to eat, I spotted the carton of cigarettes that Mom now referred
to as her security blanket. “I promise not to smoke again,” she told me.
“I just feel better knowing they’re there.”
Right now I felt a little insecure myself. Something made me reach in & take
a pack of Mom’s smokes. I felt ashamed, but more than anything,
I wanted to fit in with my friends.
I went to my room & locked the door. Then I sat at my dressing table,
opened the pack & pulled out a cigarette. Now I could add petty theft
to my list of growing problems. I lit up, took a deep drag & silently counted
to 10 while I fought not to cough. Then I exhaled, mesmerized by the
grey cloud of smoke that floated out of my mouth.
“Who are you?” I asked the image in the mirror.
“Someone who sold herself out,” I answered.
I practiced for a while, then aired out my room, shampooed my hair,
& washed my smelly clothes.
The next day while Amber & I walked to the library, I mustered
the courage to light up. Would this moment change my life?
“Hey,” she said. “You’re looking pretty cool, Callie.”
I smiled but said nothing. When we reached the library, we stood outside
& finished our cancer sticks. I felt phony, like I was an actress.
“Hi, Callie,” said Dan as he walked by. He was in my algebra class & very cute.
He seemed to look at me in a puzzled way, before he entered the library.
Minutes later Amber & I also went in for some serious homework time.
We found a table near Dan, & I settled down & pulled out my books.
Minutes later, as I wrestled with an equation, I felt a tap on my shoulder.
I looked up & my heart raced for a few beats. “Hi, Dan. What’s happening?”
“I wanted to tell you that you look totally different when you smoke.”
My stomach flipped. I sensed he hadn’t intended it as a compliment.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean it changes your whole personality.” He looked straight into
my eyes, as if he really cared & was trying to help me.
I bit my lip & felt my face redden. “Thanks for sharing.”
Dan walked away & we never brought it up again. His remark
haunted me - I felt like he saw right through me. For a while I continued
to imitate my friends, but over time I realized that smoking was not for me,
& I found the strength to quit. Slowly I gravitated toward new friends
with more common interests. It wasn’t easy, but I finally became comfortable
with myself. I realized that being uncool was really pretty cool after all.
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Diane E. Robertson - Writer, Editor, Speaker
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LUPUS: The Elusive Wolf
By Diane E. Robertson
Lupus is not cancer. It is not related to AIDS,
& it is impossible to contract from another person.
Lupus is an autoimmune disease.
A healthy body’s immune system fights foreign substances,
such as germs & viruses. However, in the person with lupus,
the immune system cannot tell the difference between foreign substances
& its own cells & tissues. It is as if the body is allergic to itself.
The Lupus Foundation of America (L.F.A.) estimates that two million
Americans have a form of this disease. In the United States,
lupus is more common in African Americans, Latinos, Asians
& Native Americans than in Caucasians.
Studies suggest that more than 16,000 Americans develop lupus each year.
There are three main types of lupus.
Systemic lupus erythematosus (S.L.E.) is the most common form.
Systemic implies that one or more organs may be involved.
The symptoms range from mild to serious.
Discoid lupus erythematosus affects the skin.
A red butterfly rash may appear across the nose & cheeks,
or elsewhere on the body.
Drug-induced lupus is triggered by medicine.
Symptoms are generally mild, & usually disappear
when the medication is stopped.
This type of lupus is more common in men than women.
The major symptom of lupus is inflammation.
This can be characterized by pain, heat, redness, swelling &
involvement of the skin, joints, heart, lungs, blood, kidneys & brain.
Every lupus sufferer reacts differently to the illness.
One may endure joint pain in the knees and fingers,
while another may fatigue easily or have kidney involvement.
Some experience low-grade fever, swollen glands & sore throat.
This chronic illness is difficult to identify,
& frequently mistaken for other diseases.
It is often dubbed The Wolf because symptoms may
appear with a vengeance one day, & disappear the next.
Besides the indicators mentioned above, this elusive
affliction also makes its presence known via chest pain, hair loss,
numbness in fingers or toes from cold or stress, sun sensitivity,
low blood count, depression, inability to concentrate & memory
problems. Other warning signs may be mouth sores, seizuers,
hallucinations, repeated miscarriages & unexplained kidney problems.
No one knows what causes lupus, & anyone may get it.
Sometimes it runs in families, implying that the disease may be hereditary.
More women than men are predisposed to the illness,
suggesting it may be hormone-related. If you think you have it,
tell a doctor your symptoms.
He will perform a complete physical examination,
& do laboratory testing of blood and urine.
No single test can show that you have lupus.
Therefore, it may take time to diagnose.
If you learn that you do suffer from this ailment,
it is important to follow up with your health care team on a regular basis,
even when the disease is quiet, & all seems well. There is no cure,
but in most cases, lupus can be managed.
For a large number of people, it is a mild disease affecting only a few organs.
For others, it may cause serious & even life-threatening problems.
Most people can expect to live a normal or near-normal life span.
Dealing with a chronic illness may present a real trial to you.
Because you look healthy, it may seem like your family, friends,
& coworkers do not believe that you are really sick.
Whether yours is a mild or severe case,
lupus is certainly a life-altering illness.
The majority of people who suffer with it have limited energy.
For some, depression might be a consequence.
It can be disheartening to find you lack the stamina to
play with your children, maintain a job, enjoy your home
& perform the physical activities you previously enjoyed.
There will be times when you will not want to do much.
Lupus fatigue is not the regular tiredness that normal individuals have,
but an overwhelming exhaustion that often keeps one from
performing even minor physical activities.
Learn to manage your good days wisely by balancing proper rest,
moderate exercise & good nutrition. Listen to your body,
& learn to pace yourself. Reduce the stress in your life
as much as possible. Set priorities, & stop before you’re exhausted.
Remember that fatigue is part of the illness.
Even if you take medication for lupus,
there may be times when the symptoms become worse, causing a flare.
You may feel tired, experience joint pain, or some other discomfort
just before the flare. If you recognize the signals,
you may minimize or even prevent the flare by resting more.
When you feel better, become involved in social activities.
Consider joining a lupus support group where you can share your
feelings. You will see that you are not alone in your struggle. You
will also have the opportunity to become better educated about the illness.
The prognosis for people with lupus is more optimistic
than it has ever been. Innovative research is constantly
introducing new medications & treatments which,
hopefully, will lead to a cure in the near future.
While living with lupus can be a challenge,
it is possible to enjoy a satisfying & productive life.
Be kind to yourself & allow caring people to love,
nurture & encourage you. Remember that each day
is a blessing, & small wins are important.
Above all, maintain an optimistic attitude.
For further information & assistance in finding a local chapter
or support group, contact the Lupus Foundation of America.
They may also be reached by telephone at 800-558-0121
or 202-349-1155.
______________________________
Diane Robertson is a freelance writer who lives in Bradenton, FL.
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